A memoir?

So I knew I wanted to blog today, but I was struggling with a topic. In roughly 10 days, I promised my writer’s group that I would have some sort of piece written in regards to my move from Ohio to Florida. I wasn’t sure what to call it…maybe an essay, or even a memoir of sorts? I don’t know, I just wanted to kind of put my thoughts on paper about what Ohio has been to me, and how I relate to it as I go, and what expectations or ideas I have for my new home. I’ve spent a ton of time free writing, just to get thoughts onto a page where I can analyze and put such a piece together. I started working on said piece and got to somewhere around 6 pages until I realized that the piece took a total turn from where I had actually wanted it to go. I thought about scrapping it because it’s not the piece I wanted to present to my group. But then I started to chastise myself a bit for not allowing the piece to be what it was. That’s kind of the point of writing, right? We can’t always make it what we want it to be, sometimes it just becomes what it is. Now I’m thinking about keeping that piece, continuing it, and using it as a piece by itself. That would give me the space to start something new that I can present to my group that’s maybe more along the lines of what I was shooting for. This way I still preserve the piece that flowed out of me unintentionally, but I can try a little harder to get out the ideas along the outline I had originally perceived. The original piece might be something that I would share here eventually, maybe it would be of interest to some of you, but I definitely think the piece I present to my group has to follow a slightly different pattern. I had no intention on letting them into the depths of my life, but that’s where the piece went. I was looking more for something light and superficial more about the actual cities I’m moving between than actually about my life. Sometimes I suppose that it’s necessary for those deep pieces to emerge, as it has a sort of healing effect. I’m going to continue to work on that piece, as I open a new one. We’ll see where the thoughts flow this time.

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Is this 2017, or 1917?

So I’ve mostly kept my mouth shut about the NFL protests of late. I’ve done that because I don’t feel like I’m really well enough informed about ALL sides of the issue to take a stand. I do believe that there is racial inequality in this country on some level. I also believe the media has a role in perpetuating things that may or may not be issues. I do support peaceful protest. I don’t know if the NFL was the right venue because I feel like it blurred the lines and made it unclear what was being protested. I do understand that some Americans feel like it is disrespectful not to stand for the anthem. At the same time, I also think it’s a touch creepy that we are so cult-y about symbolism and this intense nationalism versus viewing people as human beings instead of groups. In the cases of the injustices that have happened and been plastered all over the media, I was not there, so I can’t say who was right or wrong in those situations. I believe the issues are combinations of things that go on and spiral out of control. I like to believe the protests will do something, but my fear is that they will only divide us further. I would love to see more of these players put their money where their mouth is and actually do something in their communities and in their country. Fund programs to help this situation, don’t just kneel down. Kneeling is fine, but I feel like something needs to be done as well.

But the NFL protests aren’t the main reason I wrote this post. What Cam Newton said to reporter Jourdan Rodrigue was absolutely despicable. How can someone talk about equality and unity and protesting for these causes, then make sexist comments like he has? Then people had the nerve to say he “apologized” when he clearly never said anything of the sort. First he said women don’t know what they are talking about, then just switched it to say reporters in general don’t know what they are talking about. He obviously said that as a cover-up, for one, because why at first did you say “females”? Not even “female reporters,” just “females”. It is absolute garbage for him to even say that. If a male reporter asked him about a player’s routes, how would he answer then? There’s nothing “funny” or “cute” about demeaning women, just like there isn’t anything funny about making fun of other races, religions, or anything else. I’m the type of person who can appreciate a joke, even a dark one, but you can’t just say something mean and degrading and think it’s ok because you say you’re joking. How is saying something like this against women any different than saying derogatory things against a black man? Human beings are human beings, regardless of their gender, sex, race, religion, etc. I’m sad that in 2017 we even have to have this conversation. Ms. Rodrigue clearly loves her job, and it appears that she’s pretty good at it. Even if by some off chance she didn’t understand “routes” herself (which I feel is very far from the truth), it’s impressive that she even thought to ask that. That in itself is deep meaningful reporting about the game. She didn’t just ask Cam how he felt about the game or what was going through his head, she asked him about the fundamentals of the game. Maybe Cam doesn’t know enough about his own job to answer. Pretty sad if you ask me.

Let’s be better than this, people. If your friend makes a negative comment based on someone’s gender, race, religion, etc. let’s make an effort to correct them and show that we aren’t accepting of that kind of degrading behavior. The only way things are going to change is if we change them ourselves. If a person can do the job, they can do the job, no matter what they look like. It’s about time people got over themselves.

*~*MR*~*

When Enough is Enough

I’m sorry, I need to rant about something and I can’t think of a better platform to do so. I needed a place where my real life friends don’t see. I’m not trying to start any drama or make things worse, so I need to get this off my chest here…hope you don’t mind.

My best friend Jo started dating another one of my friends, Vic, a little over a year ago. They had a lot of fun together. They had quite a bit in common, so it made sense. Over time, Vic started getting really possessive, always wanting to know what she was doing, constantly wanting her around and not letting her live her life.

Jo is under a lot of stress. She takes care of her dad a minimum of 4 hours a day (he has dementia), until recently was working 10-12 hour shifts 5 days a week. She’s been living with her mom because she doesn’t see the point of spending money on a place since her ultimate goal is to get married and have kids; she wants to wait and just move in with a prospective partner, not just roommates or live alone. She recently came to terms with the fact that the man she was “dating” for 5 years really had no desire to make any kind of long term commitment to her, and she was tired of wasting her time. She finally decided to get out into the dating pool and try to make something happen. She met Vic, they hit it off, but then as relationships often do, it was no longer fulfilling for her. The relationship became an extreme amount of work. Vic doesn’t have a license and lives on the opposite end of town. He works 2nd shift and always wanted Jo to come pick him up and take him home, even though between her job and her dad, she had already been on the go for 16+ hours. She tried to give him some weekend time, but it was never enough for him. Even if she had plans, he would cancel all of his plans “just in case” she decided she could hang out.

Eventually, she realized that she just didn’t have the kind of time available that Vic wanted. She tried to explain her situation to him and how she just wasn’t up for spending all of her remaining time with him every single day. She tried to work out a plan for them to see each other for reasonable amounts of time, but it was never enough for him. When she couldn’t spend a day with him, he would lash out and throw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old and accuse her of cheating and lying and whatever else he could throw at her. It wasn’t healthy.

Finally Jo had enough. She wasn’t even mad, she didn’t wish any ill will on Vic, she was just grown enough to know that the relationship wasn’t working for her, and she also knew that she could never be what he wanted, so she broke it off. She told him she was done, but he insisted that they were on a break and that they were going to get back together and the whole deal. None of this was true. Jo’s story was totally different.

Vic still wouldn’t leave Jo alone saying she lied to him and that they needed to communicate. He couldn’t get the concept that they were done. She didn’t need anyone else controlling her life, between her dad and living with her mom, and her work situation, she had enough. When she got laid off, somehow he found out about it and started making vague Facebook posts about how her schedule changed, like that was any of his business. He continued to text her daily, wrote her a letter, kept sending her flowers and gifts, and she continued to not respond as it was getting weird.

I talked Jo into going to our high school reunion, which Vic found out about and started posting about how funny it was that she didn’t like any of the guys back then but now she was hanging out with them. The reunion had nothing to do with guys, as a matter of fact, we spent most of the time chatting with our lesbian friend. Finally Vic went and deleted his Facebook. Today he reactivated it and wrote this totally defaming post saying that Jo lied to him and ripped his heart out and cheated on him. She never cheated on him, she hasn’t even been with anyone! She doesn’t want to be with anyone at this point, she has figured out that she really doesn’t have the time to devote to a relationship. He also made mention in the post about how she was only available when she wanted to “make a score or get off” which is funny, because she quit buying her marijuana from Vic’s guy long before they broke up, and from what I understand, they quit having sex a few months before, because she suspected he might be hooking up with Instagram girls and she wasn’t trying to contract any diseases, plus the relationship had been starting to fade so she wasn’t as interested at that point. I so desperately want to defend Jo, because she did the adult thing in walking away from a relationship that wasn’t serving it’s purpose. She doesn’t deserve to be talked about like that and slandered all over the internet. Vic needs to get a grip! Sure, it sucks that it didn’t work out, and I feel bad for him, but when you’re an adult, sometimes you just have to suck it up and realize that some things aren’t meant to be. It’s been almost 4 months since she said a word to him, I dropped the last of his stuff off to him on Friday, and he still just can’t let it go. I don’t know what to tell him. I want to go off on him, but I know it won’t help. I got in a 4 hour text battle with him once before trying to explain things to him. Some people just don’t get it.

Now I also feel like my friendship with Vic is done, and that’s sad. He had his moments, he could be fun, but this is just over the top ridiculous. He was JT’s friend first, then mine by default, then he started dating my best friend. Now my best friend doesn’t want anything to do with him, I’m over his bullshit, and JT doesn’t even want to get him started on the subject so he avoids Vic too. The whole thing is just bullshit. Why can’t people realize that sometimes things just aren’t meant to be? We have our reasons and seasons in people’s lives and when it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on.

I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.

*~*MR*~*

My Nest Will Always Be Empty…

Today I really want to talk about one of the very few subjects that I’m extremely passionate about. Birth control. Not abortion, don’t worry, I’m not getting into that debate here and now, but I want to just put a few things out there for y’all to think about.

Last year, I did what was, in my opinion, the best thing I’ve ever done for myself. I had sterilization surgery. In my particular surgery, they removed just my fallopian tubes, leaving my uterus and ovaries intact. This means I still have periods (unfortunately, haha!), I still produce eggs, everything still works, the eggs just can’t naturally find their way to the uterus. In vitro could still potentially be an option if something strange happened and I changed my mind. But before I get too far into that, I just want to share with you some of the many comments directed at me about this decision. Some of them from people close to me (who, despite their relationship toward me, have no claim to what I do with my body), and worse, from people who don’t know me, which is just weird. Some of the comments have been as follows:

“You’re so young! What if you change your mind?!”

“Wow, the doctor let you do that?”

“What does your boyfriend think?”

“What if you fall in love with someone who really wants kids?”

“You’ll change your mind.”

“Don’t your parents want grandchildren?”

“That’s surgery! Aren’t you worried about complications?”

Now I want to address these quotes…lets start with “You’re so young! What if you change your mind?” Well let’s start with the fact that I’ve never ever in my life seen myself as a mother. There were a few years where I tried to force it, like oh, I’m this age, I should be thinking about starting a family, ect. but ultimately, it never struck me as something I really wanted to do. I feel like motherhood takes passion, or at least it should. It should be something you want to do, something you have a huge desire for, and willing to make the immense commitment to raise another human being. Definitely not for me, and I don’t appreciate people telling me how my mind works or what I do or don’t want in life. With that being said, sure there is statistically a chance that I could change my mind. Don’t think I hadn’t thought of that and at least considered my options. I could still do in vitro, as I mentioned before, and use my own eggs along with my choice of sperm from wherever just like I could before. Only sterilization gave me the option to make that choice consciously and to actually have to evaluate before something just happens. Another option is adoption. If I’m so hell bent on having kids, it shouldn’t matter if we share blood. So if I get an overwhelming case of baby fever, that option would always be on the table too. Highly doubt it, because kids aren’t my thing and never have been. I don’t think it’s for everyone, and that’s ok.

“Wow, the doctor let you do that?” Yeah, ok honestly I was a little surprised (and impressed!) about this one too. I did face a lot of opposition, and honestly I would have done this sooner had I not felt like so many people were against it, even though it’s totally legal for me to make such a decision. Either way, again, not a place for the general public to interject. I went to my doctor, expressed my concerns, and she listened to me. She trusted me to have autonomy over my own body, and for the love of God, it felt good to finally be respected. We discussed all of the options, and found the best one for me, and that’s what counts. What my doctor and I discussed is none of your business. Yes, she let me make choices about my own body. Way to go Doc!

“What does your boyfriend think?” Ok, this one seriously pisses me off. He doesn’t have a choice in the matter. I don’t want kids, therefore, if he wants kids, it’s not gonna happen with me. It doesn’t matter how in love we are, I’m willing to make a lot of compromises, but the decision to bring another life into this world isn’t something I’m willing to compromise on. Deciding to have a child isn’t like trying to decide whether or not to order an appetizer. Raising a child is hard work. And it’s not just for a little while. It’s not just for 18 years either, because even when the child grows up, they are still going to need you and need your love, even if it’s in a different way. JT is actually on the same page as me anyway, and he’s fine with my decision, but even if he wasn’t, that’s no one else’s business! If kids were a priority for him, I would tell him kindly to go find someone he can have kids with, but it won’t be me.

“What if you fall in love with someone who really wants kids?” People hear that JT is on the same page and then want to take it a step farther with the bullshit what-if scenarios and ask what happens if we break up and I fall in love with someone else…blah blah blah. That’s a bullshit scenario. Whether its JT or someone else, I have control over my own body. I. don’t. want. kids. End of story. The person I’m with doesn’t matter. If I wanted kids, I’d want to have JT’s kids, because he’s awesome. I didn’t choose not to have kids because I chose an unfit partner. I chose not to have kids because it’s my fucking decision, get it right.

“You’ll change your mind” Ugh. Seriously? I know there’s been plenty of people who have changed their minds on this subject, but again, it’s not someone else’s business. If I change my mind, I’ll have to deal with that, not them. And as I mentioned before, there are still plenty of options!

“Don’t your parents want grandchildren?” I’m sure my parents would have loved grandchildren. I also believe they are totally fine without them. If they wanted to be guaranteed grandchildren, they probably should have had more kids themselves. My parents wouldn’t be the ones to raise my kids, I would be. If I don’t want them, my parents’ thoughts are pretty irrelevant. I’m not going to tie myself up with the world’s biggest responsibility that I don’t want for the rest of my life just so my parents can have a few hours of fun every couple months. Fuck that. My parents are supportive of my decision though, they always said I’m the person who would have to raise the kids, so if I don’t want to do it, I shouldn’t. I agree.

“That’s surgery! Aren’t you worried about complications?” Sure, I considered the complications. I also considered the complications of other methods of birth control. I had been on the pill for over 10 years and it was starting to adversely affect my blood pressure and my weight, which is not healthy at all. I didn’t trust anything like the shot or patch or ring, because I always thought about what happens if the dosage is off or something and it becomes ineffective faster than it’s supposed to? Again I get saddled with a kid I don’t want, and decisions I don’t want to make. Condoms aren’t completely fail safe either. Abstinence works, but do I really want to be celibate my whole life? Nah. Not if I don’t have to. I was literally off work for a day, I went home about 3 hours after I went to the hospital, and I have very minimal scarring as it was a laparoscopic procedure. Looks like a win win to me.

In addition to fending off these ridiculous pokes and prods into my personal life, I have to say this: I take responsibility for my own body. I made the decision that I don’t want children. It’s not my partner’s responsibility to bring condoms, it’s not my partner’s responsibility to ensure that I don’t get pregnant. It’s not my partner’s responsibility to get himself sterilized (hell, if he wants kids, go for it, just do it with someone else!) I’ve even considered the fact that one of the big arguments for pro-choice is cases of rape (I’m pro-choice by the way…but as I said, not really getting into that here), but if I’m sterilized, since I already don’t want kids, that’s one upside. I hope and pray I’m never in that situation, but at least I know that if god forbid I find myself there, I’ll never have to make a decision like that (it’s sad that as a woman I have to consider these things, but reality is reality).

Regardless of what anyone says, bodily autonomy is hugely important. I deserve to have control over what happens to me and when. If I were to end up pregnant (by consensual sex, of course!) It’s not someone else’s fault. If a guy tells me he had a vasectomy, that’s not enough. How do I know he’s not lying? I need to protect myself. The same goes for men. Don’t trust her if she says she “can’t” have kids, or that she’s on birth control, or whatever. If you yourself really don’t want them, take the steps to protect yourself. When you have sex, you know what the consequences are. Take care of yourself, be responsible. Yes, I’m sterile, however, if I guy still wanted to put a condom on because he didn’t want any mistakes, I wouldn’t be mad about it, I’d probably just high five him for being safe. Not to mention, I only say it that way because I am in a monogamous relationship. I don’t feel like we need condoms because we both know that we are clean and haven’t been with anyone else, however, if you find yourself in a different situation, I would recommend condoms always, just to prevent against disease if nothing else. If you want to have kids, have that talk with your partner, get yourself both tested, and get busy. If you don’t want to have kids, don’t rely on someone else to handle it. Protect yourself. Find yourself in a situation with no condom? Don’t just decide to “pull out”…make the responsible choice and wrap it up or go home. There’s absolutely no reason for unwanted children to be in the world. Procreating should be a highly planned activity. You should be ready for it, with an accommodating home, reasonable job prospects, and support. I’m not saying you’re ever 100% ready to bring kids into the world, but at least have a reasonable plan. Kids aren’t a joke or a play toy. They are the future of our society. Please be responsible, and leave other people’s bodies to their owners. You don’t have any right to tell someone what to do with theirs. If you want to have kids, that’s fine, but don’t shame me for not wanting them. I’m happy with my life. Go do whatever makes you happy with yours–just make sure you consider that if you bring kids into the world, they are your responsibility!

*~*MR*~*

 

Master your mornings + an Inspired Year Planner giveaway

This is a post from one of my favorite blog pages! Check it out! I would really like to try out one of these planners for myself! I love being able to set goals and write notes for myself, as organization really makes life easier! Check out This Tiny Blue House and register for the giveaway!!

*~*MR*~*

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This is a sponsored post. All opinions are my own. Mornings with kiddos can be rough am I right? When Margsy was a tiny baby I hadn’t realized how important it was for my own sanity to wake up before her and start my daily routine by making the time to just focus my own energy and be alone with my thoughts even if it was for a few short minutes. For nearly a year, I’d wake up with Margs and frantically try to entertain her, wake up from my own grogginess and get myself and her ready for the day. I bet you’re not surprised to know that I often found myself overwhelmed, frantic and exhausted because I really wasn’t focusing on incorporating any “me” time into my morning routine. A couple of months back, I wrote an entire post about the value and importance of having a solid…

Source: Master your mornings + an Inspired Year Planner giveaway

The Art of Parting — Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together.

This is an amazing read and couldn’t be more accurate. Definitely been working on skillful ways to handle things for sure, and this nails it!

*~*MR*~*

 

 

You may not be as effective an ass-kicker as you could be because of one thing that often befalls the feisty: it’s called bridge burning.

via The Art of Parting — Damn, Girl. Get Your Shit Together.

The Aftermath

So now that Irma has come and gone, I’m glad I can report that my family all made it out ok. Actually they didn’t even lose power during the storm. There was some flooding near them but nothing impacted their houses. They all returned to work either yesterday or today and everything is getting back to normal. I was happy that those I knew were taking the humorous approach to the whole thing, posting funny memes and videos the whole time they were waiting to see if they were going to make it through the storm without any kind of major damage. I know a lot of people were giving me a lot of grief saying they should be taking things more seriously. The thing is though, they did all of their preparations, they stayed inside when the storm was coming through, what else could be done? Being overly worried isn’t going to make it go away, but humor can help to diffuse the situation. I thought they all handled things very well, and they made it out alive. Couldn’t ask for anything better than that. So the countdown is most definitely still on, and I’ll be joining them in just #49days!

*~*MR*~*

Irmagerd!

So my future home is in the path of Irma right now. They are expected to fare ok, but its still early to tell. They are only expecting a cat 1-2 instead of the originally projected cat 4. That’s only slightly comforting. Their local weatherman says he expects power outages, downed trees, and lots of clean-up, but that most people will be alright. Really hoping things are as optimistic as it sounds. The whole state is getting hammered pretty hard, and before anyone asks, no, I haven’t even once thought of not going. These things happen and if you want to live somewhere awesome, there has to be a downside. Floridians are a strong stock, they are going to be ok. Just sending up some real positive vibes for everyone affected. Cheers to Florida, especially my family. ❤

*~*MR*~*

Some Sort of “Feminist” Rant…

I was listening to the radio on my way to work this morning, and while I’m not sure what the song was, the lyrics were something along the lines of how amazing the singer’s man was. While I wasn’t a huge fan of the song, it just wasn’t all that catchy to me, I did like the sentiment in the lyrics. I love hearing people praise their significant others. Why bother being with someone if they are such a terrible person, right?

But then I got to thinking, why are there so few songs like that? Most of them it seems like anymore at least are about cheating and all of the things people are doing behind their partner’s back. Unfortunately, many of these songs are sung/rapped by men. I’m not saying men are the only ones who go around partner-bashing in one sense or another, but you see it a lot more often than the other way around. Also, when women want to take the “dirty road” they tend to go for the seduction of one man versus the “player” model. Men on the other hand tend to talk more about being sneaky and going after various women and being players or cheaters.

One male artist that comes to mind is The Weeknd. Don’t get me wrong, I love his voice, and his songs are catchy as hell, but if you have ever listened to the lyrics they are pretty raunchy. Why is it that as a society we love these songs so much? Are they affecting people in negative ways? Or are our natural negative behaviors resulting in these songs? Why do we accept these kinds of things?

Now before anyone decides to start jumping on me I need you to understand a few things. For one, I am in no way in agreement with censorship. I don’t think these types of songs should be banned or censored in any way. Second, I do not like to consider myself a “feminist” or any such label. I do agree with equality and the like, but I don’t agree with every angle that these labeled groups take. I don’t identify as a woman strongly enough to make these types of claims. Certainly I get pissed off when someone says I can’t do something or I should do something simply because I’m a woman, but just because I feel that way doesn’t mean that I need a label about it. Third, I don’t care if people want to be hoes. I don’t even care if it’s disproportionate between men and women. What I don’t like is people exploiting each other. Why do we feel like cheating is ever ok, or even glorify it? Why do we want to hurt each other in that way? We don’t want it done to us! I’m all for open honest relationships. If you want to be with multiple people, make that very clear to the people you are involved with. You don’t have to be monogamous but could you at least be honest?

I just have to wonder how these songs are affecting us as a society. I know when I get into a song by The Weeknd, I find myself fantasizing about a party with lots of good looking folks, drugs, music, and just being a bad girl for a while. I know that’s not the type of person I am, and I wouldn’t manifest it in real life, but I feel like if I went out and had some drinks and found myself in a similar situation, it would be hard not to want to at least dabble in it. I know I would regret every bit of it if I actually let myself go, but the thought is definitely there. Would I still feel as drawn to that type of situation if it wasn’t portrayed as so appealing in the songs? Not everyone has the greatest self-control and I feel like these types of things could sway the more impressionable mind.

The same goes for the “good” songs though. Do you think if we had more good songs about great relationships and strong partnerships and supporting each other that it would inspire more people toward that? I think that is the way to go. I’m not saying JT and I don’t have any issues, of course we do, we’re two human individuals. One thing I can say, however, is that JT and I make one hell of a team. We work together, we pick up each other’s slack, we support each other, and we always, always make each other laugh. I can’t imagine bashing JT to others, or sneaking around to do things that would clearly hurt him if he knew. I do my best to always keep him (and us) at the forefront of all the decisions I make. This doesn’t mean we are obsessed with each other or that we have to be joined at the hip. I’m totally fine with him going to do something he enjoys. He plays basketball on Wednesday nights. I don’t ask him to tag along, I don’t call him repeatedly asking where he is, I don’t get mad that he isn’t spending time with me. Wednesday nights are his thing. Sundays I go to the temple, and occasionally he comes with me if he feels like it. I never force him, and I don’t get mad because he doesn’t want to. I do a lot of volunteer work. I don’t make him join me, the option is there if he would like, but there is never any pressure. When I’m off on these ventures, I never even consider jumping into bed with someone else. I don’t even think of entertaining someone else. That’s not saying I don’t have friends, I most certainly do, and so does he, of all sorts of genders and sexual orientations. Ultimately, however, we come back to each other each and every time.

I don’t see the appeal of leading someone on or cheating or any of that game playing sort of stuff. If I’m in a relationship it’s because it matters to me. If I’m not in a relationship, openness and honesty are still the biggest concern. That’s not to say I don’t like to have fun, but my fun doesn’t include crushing the hearts of other people. I like to be sexy, but why can’t I be sexy with the man I actually care about who is my partner in life? It feels nice to be able to give that to him as my gift for being my support system and my teammate. And I get that from him too. It’s a nice exchange.

Like I said, I don’t advocate for censorship, I’m not suggesting we get rid of these songs, images, writings, or anything, I just want to try to be more mindful of what I support and how I do that. I mean I’m a big Eminem fan too, and we all know he’s not the most friendly or supportive of women. I like to be able to distinguish, however, what is general expression of feelings versus what is actually an ingrained personality trait. We all have “bad” thoughts sometimes, and sometimes the best way to rid ourselves of those thoughts is some sort of artistic expression. That I totally get. Just because someone makes art a certain way doesn’t mean that is how they act or what they truly believe, it may just be some outpouring of disturbing thought. That’s totally fine. The problem is that so many folks can’t make that distinction. They hear these things and think that is how life is, that’s what is cool, that’s what is right…and ultimately I don’t think it is.

I don’t think I’m going to stop listening to Eminem or The Weeknd anytime soon. I do believe I’m going to be more mindful and analytical to what I’m listening to though. I’m going to let these songs pass through my filter and be able to say, “Eh, the subject matter is sketchy, but I also understand that I’m listening to this because of the catchiness of the beat, not because I agree with what is being said.” I can also make the distinction of “This is a song” versus “This is how I feel in real life”. Distinctions need to be made between these things and I’m not sure that enough people do that kind of critical thinking. Before they know it, things become normalized because that’s what they think, breathe, do, and say. Don’t let that happen to you. We as a society have the power to become better. Don’t let yourself be dragged down!

*~*MR*~*

 

I don’t want to do this anymore.

Do you ever just get to a point where you think “I don’t want to do this anymore!” I’m not talking about the daily struggle of getting up and not really feeling like going to work that actually gets better at some point. I’m talking about literally waking up and having the existential crisis of just not wanting to live life the same way anymore. Thankfully, I’m moving in 65 days and if I can just deal with it for that long, everything will be ok. Or at least different, and right now, that’s what I need, is different. Luckily, I’m leaving in 65 days, so I actually will be leaving my job in 61 days, which with days off leaves me about 40-some days left to work, some of which are only 4 hour shifts. Really trying to look at the positives here.

This seems to happen to me roughly every 2-4 years. I just start hating everything about how I live my life. My job, my routine, everything. I like starting over. I love starting new. I love change. Some change is scary or intimidating, but I love shoving myself into the fire over and over again. By continuing to do this, I learn that if something sucks, I have the power to change it. So many people are terrified to try something new because “what if it doesn’t work out?” Well, if you changed to the thing that doesn’t work out, why can’t you change again? Eventually something will work out. Something will feel right, even if it’s just for a while.

Now I’m not saying to run from your troubles, that won’t get you anywhere. You can’t use the I need to get out of here excuse too often. Sometimes it is absolutely the skillful thing to do, especially in the instance of an abusive relationship (that can be a significant other, family, co-workers, boss, or any other combination), or if there is something really harmful to you (like trying to escape from a life of addiction or prostitution). However, if you decide to change your life on the basis that you want to learn new things, expand your horizons, and experience life in a different way, then go for it! Don’t run from your past, but definitely choose to expand your future.

Some people are totally content with doing the same thing their entire life. Actually, this country was at one time pretty much based on that. You worked the same job for 30+ years, you bought a house that you lived in for your whole life, with your spouse and children, and then you passed that house on to your children, and some people even went as far as to build homesteads where their offspring and their offspring all built and lived on the same property! People didn’t move to other states or other countries as often. People didn’t begin and end relationships as quickly. I’m not saying these things are good or bad, I’m just saying it’s a lot different now. As far as the relationship part goes, I’m fine with having one partner and building an empire together, but I also need someone who is as adventurous as me. I need to be with someone who is willing to uproot their life every so often. Thankfully I’ve found that in JT.

I’m not saying that every time something is wrong you should jump ship. I do believe that not every situation is worth fixing though, sometimes it’s just time to move on to something else. Everything is changing in this world and we need to stop seeing ourselves as stationary objects. We too can move with the world and make it better along with our own lives. Make some changes, try something new, challenge yourself. Its a huge world out there, don’t miss out on it!!

*~*MR*~*