Calm and Collected

So in my last post I talked about the need to make myself write something, even if I didn’t want to. Now, my issue isn’t that I don’t want to, actually, I really really do want to! My problem at this point is that my mind is literally blank. It’s not a matter of not knowing what I want to write, or not knowing how I want to say something, or being overly critical, it’s that I literally have nothing to say. Even writing this post right now is a struggle, because I just don’t have anything in there to talk about. I’ve definitely experienced writers block before, but this is something on a totally different level. I think I’ve just been going through so much lately and just chugging away that I haven’t had time to process anything enough to have a real thought about it. Between dealing with my sick grandmother, to getting ready to move, to handling my parents’ problems, I’m just running out of energy to think about anything but accomplishing the tasks at hand. I can’t wait to just have a moment to breathe and step away from things. I’m sure my first night in Florida will bring a wonderful night’s sleep. I just need to have a break where I can think about something other than everything that needs to be done and the logistics of doing it all. I don’t exactly “feel” stressed out, but I think that goes hand in hand with the fact that I’m so stressed out that I don’t even have time to feel it. I can imagine I am going to get to a point where either I feel the stress, or I feel the weight of it lifted off of me. At this point I’m just waiting for that moment.

Unfortunately, being in the line of work that I am in, I’ve been around a lot of high-stress folks lately. Some of these super neurotic patient families are just surrounding me with their stifling stress energy. I try to remain calm and transfer some of my positive energy to them, but ultimately being surrounded by people in high-gear all the time really wears on a person. I just wish people could learn the art of staying calm. It really does make a huge difference. In this age where mindfulness, sensory deprivation tanks, essential oils, yoga, and technology that supposedly makes life easier, you would think people would take being calm very seriously. Unfortunately it seems like the opposite. All of these things designed to help keep people calm have just turned into little niche things with no actual value to the people using them because people just feed off drama. People aren’t comfortable with being comfortable anymore. If you aren’t an anxious wreck, you might as well forget it. That’s how it seems that most people live anymore at least, and I don’t want to. I’m ready for calm, and chill, and ordinary. Bring it on.



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