I haven’t written in a while…well, maybe a little bit in my notebook, but not on my blog. And even in the notebook, not as much as I’d like. I have a project I’m committing myself to Thursday night, and I’m glad, because I need to. I’ve been saying that I haven’t felt much like writing lately, but I am firmly convinced that it is that very reason why I need to write. Funny thing about language is there are no absolutes. In many corners of the world, I say you should never force yourself to do things you really don’t want to do. But there are also a great many cases where the exact opposite is true. Sometimes forcing ourselves to do things we don’t feel like is exactly what we need to do. My priest referred to this kind of thing as a “mental push-up”. I guess the difference about it is more around the why do you not want to do a particular thing. There is a difference between just not feeling like it, and legit knowing that doing a certain thing is going to make you feel terrible. For example, if I don’t want to do my job because I’d rather be at the beach, it’s not really a valid excuse, because I made a commitment to do my job (yet when vacation time comes around, I’m all for the beach!). On the other hand, if I really don’t want to be in a relationship with a guy because he legit creeps me out, I shouldn’t do that. You should force yourself to do things that you know will lead to your growth, and not do things that you know are going to cause you great harm. That’s the distinct difference I guess. The rewards should outweigh the risks in most cases. That’s how I feel about writing now, though. I really don’t want to, I’m tired, I have no ideas, I don’t have the energy to weave stories…but I also don’t have to. What I do have to do is write. What I do have to do is get my brain onto a page. It doesn’t have to make sense, it doesn’t have to be good, it doesn’t even have to mean anything. The whole idea is just that I keep my flow of thoughts strong. Something that seems mundane now could end up being a prompt for something great later. It’s the same with meditating, which I’m also struggling with now, because I’m “too busy”. Pshhh…too busy. Make a priority, kid. If your mind is in the wrong place, the rest of you will end up there too. Time to set my ass straight and do what I’m here to do.
Time to fuck shit up.