I’m sorry, I need to rant about something and I can’t think of a better platform to do so. I needed a place where my real life friends don’t see. I’m not trying to start any drama or make things worse, so I need to get this off my chest here…hope you don’t mind.
My best friend Jo started dating another one of my friends, Vic, a little over a year ago. They had a lot of fun together. They had quite a bit in common, so it made sense. Over time, Vic started getting really possessive, always wanting to know what she was doing, constantly wanting her around and not letting her live her life.
Jo is under a lot of stress. She takes care of her dad a minimum of 4 hours a day (he has dementia), until recently was working 10-12 hour shifts 5 days a week. She’s been living with her mom because she doesn’t see the point of spending money on a place since her ultimate goal is to get married and have kids; she wants to wait and just move in with a prospective partner, not just roommates or live alone. She recently came to terms with the fact that the man she was “dating” for 5 years really had no desire to make any kind of long term commitment to her, and she was tired of wasting her time. She finally decided to get out into the dating pool and try to make something happen. She met Vic, they hit it off, but then as relationships often do, it was no longer fulfilling for her. The relationship became an extreme amount of work. Vic doesn’t have a license and lives on the opposite end of town. He works 2nd shift and always wanted Jo to come pick him up and take him home, even though between her job and her dad, she had already been on the go for 16+ hours. She tried to give him some weekend time, but it was never enough for him. Even if she had plans, he would cancel all of his plans “just in case” she decided she could hang out.
Eventually, she realized that she just didn’t have the kind of time available that Vic wanted. She tried to explain her situation to him and how she just wasn’t up for spending all of her remaining time with him every single day. She tried to work out a plan for them to see each other for reasonable amounts of time, but it was never enough for him. When she couldn’t spend a day with him, he would lash out and throw a temper tantrum like a 2 year old and accuse her of cheating and lying and whatever else he could throw at her. It wasn’t healthy.
Finally Jo had enough. She wasn’t even mad, she didn’t wish any ill will on Vic, she was just grown enough to know that the relationship wasn’t working for her, and she also knew that she could never be what he wanted, so she broke it off. She told him she was done, but he insisted that they were on a break and that they were going to get back together and the whole deal. None of this was true. Jo’s story was totally different.
Vic still wouldn’t leave Jo alone saying she lied to him and that they needed to communicate. He couldn’t get the concept that they were done. She didn’t need anyone else controlling her life, between her dad and living with her mom, and her work situation, she had enough. When she got laid off, somehow he found out about it and started making vague Facebook posts about how her schedule changed, like that was any of his business. He continued to text her daily, wrote her a letter, kept sending her flowers and gifts, and she continued to not respond as it was getting weird.
I talked Jo into going to our high school reunion, which Vic found out about and started posting about how funny it was that she didn’t like any of the guys back then but now she was hanging out with them. The reunion had nothing to do with guys, as a matter of fact, we spent most of the time chatting with our lesbian friend. Finally Vic went and deleted his Facebook. Today he reactivated it and wrote this totally defaming post saying that Jo lied to him and ripped his heart out and cheated on him. She never cheated on him, she hasn’t even been with anyone! She doesn’t want to be with anyone at this point, she has figured out that she really doesn’t have the time to devote to a relationship. He also made mention in the post about how she was only available when she wanted to “make a score or get off” which is funny, because she quit buying her marijuana from Vic’s guy long before they broke up, and from what I understand, they quit having sex a few months before, because she suspected he might be hooking up with Instagram girls and she wasn’t trying to contract any diseases, plus the relationship had been starting to fade so she wasn’t as interested at that point. I so desperately want to defend Jo, because she did the adult thing in walking away from a relationship that wasn’t serving it’s purpose. She doesn’t deserve to be talked about like that and slandered all over the internet. Vic needs to get a grip! Sure, it sucks that it didn’t work out, and I feel bad for him, but when you’re an adult, sometimes you just have to suck it up and realize that some things aren’t meant to be. It’s been almost 4 months since she said a word to him, I dropped the last of his stuff off to him on Friday, and he still just can’t let it go. I don’t know what to tell him. I want to go off on him, but I know it won’t help. I got in a 4 hour text battle with him once before trying to explain things to him. Some people just don’t get it.
Now I also feel like my friendship with Vic is done, and that’s sad. He had his moments, he could be fun, but this is just over the top ridiculous. He was JT’s friend first, then mine by default, then he started dating my best friend. Now my best friend doesn’t want anything to do with him, I’m over his bullshit, and JT doesn’t even want to get him started on the subject so he avoids Vic too. The whole thing is just bullshit. Why can’t people realize that sometimes things just aren’t meant to be? We have our reasons and seasons in people’s lives and when it’s time to move on, it’s time to move on.
I just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening.