So close, yet so far.

I’m moving to Florida in 95 days. I have to keep saying it, because I’ve read in a multitude of places that constantly affirming your plans helps them come to fruition. I’m nervous as hell that something is going to happen between now and then and plans will have to change. The date seems very close, yet it’s far enough away that there isn’t a lot I can do yet. I’ve told my boss my plans, but it’s too early to put in an official notice. It’s also too early to give notice to my apartment complex. It’s too early to pack, it’s too early to hunt for jobs…so I pretty much have to just sit back and wait, which is killing me.

The past couple weeks I’ve been trying to sell some things I won’t need between now and then. I haven’t been as successful as I’d hoped. I have a lot of nice stuff, but no one is buying. I’ve also spent a lot of time just moving things around. Somehow it makes me feel better to feng shui the shit out of my house when I can’t do anything else. I’m trying to decide what I need and what I can do without. I’ve been getting a lot of crap from my mom because she thinks it’s rude that I’m getting rid of things she gave me. Well the truth is I have too much stuff. I keep telling her to stop giving me things, but she doesn’t listen. I don’t have much of a choice but to get rid of it, unless I want to be a hoarder.

Another thing about my mom is that she clearly doesn’t want me to move. I’m sure she has a number of motivations for this stance, but none of them work for me. I know she’s going to miss me, but she never just puts it that way. She makes up these scenarios in her head that I’m going to end up living in some crack house or a box under a bridge because I’m not going to find a job. Trust me, I’ll find a job, even if it’s McDonalds or Planet Fitness, or whatever minimum wage job I have to take until I find something else. I have an associate’s degree and a certificate, plus a coding certification, I think I’ll be able to find a decent job in a reasonable amount of time. Also, for the first few months we are staying with family. I don’t think anyone would allow me to live in a crack house, or a box. Worst case scenario, I come back to Ohio. No harm, no foul. If I don’t make this move now, I never will. I’ve been putting things off for long enough, and now I need to make it happen. The other thing I know my mom is worried about is me not being able to do things for her anymore. My mom is not ill, not disabled, not injured, and neither is my dad. Despite their great health, my parents seem to struggle to function as adults. My mom can’t write an e-mail without my assistance (her claim is that I type faster, which is a BS excuse, she has to type her own stuff at work, so no reason she can’t do it at home). She refuses to bathe her pets without my assistance. Neither one of them can seem to figure out basic directions. All of this is part of my motivation for moving. I need to get away from their co-dependence. The whole situation is bringing me down to a level I don’t want to be at. I need time to make my life flourish, not to be running everyone else’s. It’s hard to explain this to them, and it usually ends in a fight. I will miss them, sure, but we can talk on the phone, and I hope they will be able to come visit. I’m sure I’ll make trips home every now and then as well, but this is a thing that really needs to happen, so I’m going to make it so.

I keep repeating the date, I have countdowns in a few places. I regularly reach out to the people we are going to be staying with. I keep up to date on various job boards in the area I’m moving to. I make outlines to decide what I can do in what time frame to facilitate this move in the easiest way possible. I’m determined, and it will happen…in 95 days.



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