WTF is dating?

So I’ve been thinking about this a lot lately and realized I have never been on a “real date.” I’ve been in 2 long-term (5+ years) relationships and a handful of less serious ones, but I’ve never once been on an actual “date.” Sure, I’ve gone to movies, gone to dinners, ect. but that’s not what I’m talking about here. When I talk about a “real date” I mean when you meet someone that you’ve never met before, you hit it off, they ask you out (or you ask them), they pick you up, you have your date, and then you go home. Maybe if you’re lucky, they ask for a second date, and things go from there.

Most of my relationships have sprouted from friendships. I already knew the person, we were already hanging out, and then at some point we just decided that we wouldn’t have sex with anyone else. With JT and I, it all started with me trying to have another one night stand (I was going through a little “hoe phase” at the time…). He wasn’t picking up on my signals but we were having fun at his “cousin’s weekend” (I was invited by his sister because we were friends before I met JT). I think the fact that he didn’t want to sleep with me intrigued me a little bit, so I kept trying to find excuses to hang out with him. He didn’t have a car, so I kept offering to pick him up when his sister and I were hanging out and she wanted him to come too. After our nights were over, I’d drop him off, but it would be late so I’d just ask him if it was cool if I stayed. And I did….for 4 months straight. Sleeping in the same bed but never touching, not even a kiss. We denied we were dating for the longest time, but eventually it was pretty obvious we didn’t care about anyone else.

Other relationships I was in usually involved us meeting somewhere, or doing stuff with groups of friends. My other long term relationship started online and we were young so we didn’t really go out on actual dates, we mostly just did a lot of sneaking around behind my parents’ backs.

Looking at the dating world today, I know I have no desire at all to try to date in order to find a long term relationship, and honestly the idea of dating someone I’ve never met before is a little daunting. I’ve always said that if things don’t work out for me and JT, I honestly think I’m done as far as long term relationships go. First dates always seem a little awkward, but then I’ve seen some that really go off quite well.

It sucks because I have no desire to actually leave JT, I love him. The problem is that I’m kind of bummed that I never had a chance to go on a “real date.” I miss the spontaneity of meeting someone and hitting it off. That moment where you realize you have something in common with a person. That first-kiss spark. I guess I took some of those moments for granted when I had them.

Maybe I’m just being a spoiled little brat. I should be glad, I’m lucky. I have a man who loves me and we get along well. But here I am thinking about how fun it could be to just have a fling. It’s so stupid. I’d never act on it, because that would be stupid and against everything I believe in, it just sucks because it also weighs on my mind sometimes. I don’t know where this came from or why, it’s just something I’ve been thinking about for a while. I don’t like getting too content. I don’t like being in one place for too long. I need to learn to suck it up. I should appreciate what I have while I have it.

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