I try not to do a whole lot of looking back, because the truth is you can’t go back, so there isn’t much sense. There are a few things that I do miss though, and I think we all miss something from time to time.
I miss some of the things I used to do, like going to Goth Night on Wednesdays. Sure I could still go if I wanted, it still exists, but the people aren’t the same, and even if they were, I’m not. I miss the shenanigans we would get into and the fun we would have, but now it just wouldn’t be the same. There was a reason I quit going.
I miss having more time for friends. Now with so many responsibilities and a more important job, and bills, it’s hard to hang out with people. And people have changed, so my amount of friends has dwindled. I love my close friends, but if they are busy, there aren’t many options. We have such different lives and schedules that its really hard to coordinate now.
I don’t really miss much of my past, because really my life is better now than it’s ever been. But I do miss having the options I had before that I didn’t choose. Sometimes I wish I could have gone back and done college right. I would have joined a sorority maybe, and went to parties and events and met some college friends. Instead I was clinging to a boyfriend I thought I’d marry some day, and he left me for bad friends and heroin after college. If I would have known that, or seen it coming, I like to think I would have done things differently. I had a lot of good times with him and a lot of good times overall, but it didn’t set me up well for my future.
I guess I just miss having the future before me like you do when you’re in your late teens/early 20s. You don’t really realize what you have then. You have this open door to make decisions for your life and you can really do some amazing things. You still have opportunities when you get older, but it manifests in a different way. Its so unfair that we don’t have the ability to see what we are doing until later. At the same time, it’s pretty exhilarating. I try not to “miss” it because I can’t get it back, but I think at some time, we all say “what if?”