Trying to put the “P” back in Peace…

So one of my main duties at my job is answering and transferring phone calls. Generally if the phone rings once, you can count on it to ring about another 4 times after you hang up. If the person I transferred the call to doesn’t answer, it rings back to me. If someone calls a nurse directly and they don’t answer, it rings to me. I can’t get away from the phone, I can’t put it away on my lunch break (or even in the bathroom), and half of the calls that come to the phone aren’t even for me or anyone in my unit. My job is relatively easy, so I try not to complain too much, but honestly my anxiety is starting to get the best of me!

Today I was in the bathroom just trying to take a quick pee break (before my bladder exploded!) and my phone rang 4 times. Once for my boss, two patient family members, and one because the first call to the boss didn’t transfer through. I wanted to scream out of anger, then I wanted to cry out of frustration! There was a time when I could use the restroom as a refuge. If things were getting a little crazy I could go take a pee break, either real or imaginary, and escape for a couple minutes. Now with having to be attached to my phone, it literally drives me crazy! Just the sound of the phone ringing gives me terrible anxiety, no matter what I’m doing. It’s like I can hear the ringing when I’m home, in my sleep, and anywhere else it doesn’t belong. Like I said, my job is easy. Just answer the phone, it’s not that hard. But the problem is the world is so damn loud these days! Everything is beeping and buzzing, everyone wants things right now, no one wants to wait, no one has any patience anymore. Since our phones are on our hips, we should be available right now for every single person who needs us. I’ve had people threaten to write me up because they can’t get a hold of a certain person, like I have any ounce of control over that! People just make me so nervous these days. They are careless, pushy, impatient, and just generally overbearing! I want to like people, really I do, but it’s so hard some days.

It’s not just the phone, but that’s one example. Another is the person in the SUV today who was in the right lane while I was in the left waiting at a red light on my way to work. The person in front of the SUV came to a complete stop and was checking to make sure they could make a safe right turn on red. Without giving that person a chance to look, the SUV squeezed between me and the other car so he or she could make the turn first, without giving any thought to oncoming traffic, or the two of us waiting at the red light like we were supposed to! That person could have easily caused a major pile-up which would have not only caused problems for the rest of us, but for themselves too! Why is everyone in such a goddamn hurry these days?! I don’t have anxiety because I can’t control my emotions or because there is something wrong with me, I’ve decided it’s because everything happens so freaking fast now. We don’t even have time to think!

I like my job, it’s easy, and I make great money to not have to do much physical work at all. The problem is I can’t handle all the buzz around me. There is no chill anymore. There is no relax. Everything is constant stimulation and my brain just can’t take anymore. All I want to do is eat my lunch and read for an hour without anyone bothering me. For crying out loud I just want to take a pee in peace! I just want a minute! Why is it so hard?!?!?

*~*MR*~*

 

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