Winds of Change.

So I really have been trying to be a better person lately, but the past month or so has been very hard for me. I’ve been battling a lot of things internally that I think have been brought to the foreground by my Buddhist practice. I’m not knocking the practice at all, life isn’t supposed to be a cakewalk. We learn through our difficulties, ya know…Anyway, I’ve really been trying to force myself to get up and go do things, even when I don’t want to. If it is something that will make me better, I have to make myself do it, because ultimately I want to be better. It’s easy to just lay around and make excuses. It’s harder to get up and go to the gym, or get up early for temple service, or go do a few volunteer hours. Regardless of how hard it is, I need to continue to do these things. I turned into this lazy, overweight, unmotivated person because I let it happen. Fixing it sucks. I used to be able to walk a mile with no problem, now I get short of breath. Needless to say, that happens because I let myself go, so now I have to pay the price to make it better.

I like to think that some day things will be easier again, but I also know that I always used to be the person who said that it wasn’t hard to stay in shape, or get yourself motivated to do things, and look where I ended up. Things aren’t easy now, and that is essentially my fault. Today, I absolutely positively did not want to go to the gym, but I did. I pushed myself, and I went, and I’m glad for it.

I need to get a few more volunteer hours in before the end of the month, so Monday and Tuesday I’ll be pressing myself to get those taken care of. Monday will also be another gym day, and flameworking class. I don’t have to work, so I really have zero excuses. Get off your ass and get going!

I’m glad that my practice has brought my attention to these issues, even if it has made me irritated about having to do things. I know in the long run it is all for my benefit and the benefit of others. How can I pay it forward when I can’t even get off my ass, right? I’m determined to do this no matter what gets in my way, and who journeys with me. Even if I have to do it alone, this is my path and I can’t force anyone to walk it with me. When you make up your mind to do something, you just have to get out there and do it. You’ll thank yourself for it, believe me!

*~*MR*~*

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