So I used to be a very “friendly” outgoing type person, but as I’ve gotten older, for reasons unknown, I’ve kind of retreated into my own little shell. Mostly I’m ok with that. I like being alone, and more importantly I like being left alone when I have something I want to do. My problem arises when I have to go somewhere or something exciting happens.
I have pretty bad social anxiety, which I can usually fake around until I get comfortable, but its more irritating for me than anyone else, I think. When I’m going somewhere new or with a new group of people, I always like to have a buddy with me just in case I start bugging out and need someone to ground me. I’ve been trying to force myself into new situations to get better at dealing with these things, and I’m not sure if it is helping with the anxiety, but it is definitely making my life better in the long run.
When something exciting happens, the first thing I want to do is gush to someone about how amazing life is. Nothing sucks more than having amazing news and no one to share it with.
I was never really concerned with finding friends, I just figured I was fine in my shell and I could handle things on my own. I had my couple of close people to lean on like my best friend and my boyfriend, but they have their own lives, so I can’t expect them to carry the brunt of my existence as well.
If you’ve been following my blog, you know that I started attending a Buddhist temple in my area. From the moment I walked in I felt connected with everyone there. The more I go, the more familiar I’m becoming with people and the easier it is to open up and connect. I don’t feel like I am being judged there, as I do in a lot of other settings. I have been contemplating formal membership there, but I didn’t want to just rush into things either. Today, I made the leap. I joined the temple officially.
There’s just something about finding a group of people that really speaks to your heart, and when you find those people, it is important to take the opportunity when it arises. I could play around for years making excuses of why I can’t do this or that, but when it comes down to it, you either need to shit or get off the pot! Well, today I shat. I shat out all of those negative feelings, doubts, concerns, and whatever else I had going on and made a decision. I’m on this path now and this is where I’m going. If someone doesn’t like it, they better get off the train because I’m on the true path now.
I’m realizing the importance of being around like-minded people. You won’t always find them in a religious organization, maybe a sports team or a book club is more your style. Maybe you would prefer a knitting circle or craft meet. Whatever you do, find your passion and embrace it. It is so much easier to be the person you want to become when you have others supporting you in your journey.
No matter how anti-social you may be, I guarantee you can find your group out there. If I found mine, you can find yours. Best of luck on your journey…