It’s been a while since I’ve been on here. As a matter of fact, I’ll admit, I kind of forgot I had a blog for a minute. Life has been a little crazy. I spent a week at a Buddhist retreat and took my vows last Sunday. Buddhist retreat meaning no phone, no internet, very little talking, and lots of meditating. It was a wonderful week, but living like that really changes your perspective on things, and it’s been a slow transition back into the “real world.”
With that being over, my main focus now is on the big move. It’s only 76 days away now. I’ve started getting boxes, sorting through my things, and most importantly, saving money. Saving is slow going, because in addition to saving, I also have a lot of things I need to spend money on to get ready, like car repairs and cat supplies. Luckily, I’ve been using LetGo and Facebook Marketplace to help get things a little cheaper and even sell some of my extra stuff.
I’m excited but I’m nervous. I’m nervous about the money situation since we won’t have jobs right away. I’m also nervous about our housing situation. I know we won’t be living with family for long, but relationships can be damaged even in a short time if respect isn’t both given and received. I don’t feel like there will be a problem with me, but JT sometimes oversteps his boundaries, and that might not fare well. Even so, once we are down there and everything is in place, it won’t be so bad. Hypothetically we can get a place of our own pretty quick once we’re there, the issue is getting there. With 76 days left, I’m getting close to having to notify my apartment complex and my boss that I’ll be leaving. I have to give ample notice, but I’m also scared that I might give my notice and someone will change their mind. I’ve had so many plans fall through, especially big ones, that I have a hard time making plans without some sort of worry. I know things will work out one way or another, I just don’t want it to have to get harder in the mean time. I’ll feel better once we have a contract and things are moving forward. Right now is kind of a stand still. It’s too early to do much, but getting close enough that certain things need to be done.
The hardest part is addressing others. I don’t feel like a lot of people are taking us seriously. They think this is just some flight of fancy and we’re not actually going anywhere. They keep trying to make plans for dates beyond November, and I don’t know what to say. I don’t want to say no and force the issue, because I get a lot of backlash (i.e. you can’t do that! You don’t have money! What are you going to do about jobs? What is your grandma going to do without you! ect.) Also, if for some stupid reason plans were to fall through, I’d rather be able to go do the other thing without an “I told you so.” At the same time, I don’t want to be misleading and be like “Yeah, we can do that!” so it usually ends up being a “Yeah, we’ll see, I don’t really know what’s going on right now.” It’s frustrating, because I want to be open about it and be able to continue have positive relationships with people through every stage of this move, but it’s getting to a point where I almost feel like I have to hide things, and I don’t want to do that. I need as much support as I can get right now. Problem is, I know there are folks who would love to sabotage this for me.
I feel like things will get both harder and easier as time moves on. I’m ready for the fun stuff, I’m ready to have things in order, I’m ready to get on with my life. I’ve been at a standstill for so long, it’s time to go. It’s an exciting time, but I’m equally terrified. Here goes nothing!